08.11.06

The Internet Hobo

Posted in Hobomaster at 3:45 pm by Verifex

The mainstream media is at it again, claiming that hobos are dead in their oh-so-witty article claimed “The Hobohemians”. Just because some hobos die every now and then doesn’t mean hobos are dying. Thats just bad journalism. They “claim” that “The grizzled old hobos may be dying off, but they’re being replaced in boxcars and on the porches of grain cars by street kids, gutter punks, dreamy anarchists and eco-warriors, train-obsessed professionals,” That sounds to me like they aren’t being totally honest. Hobos were once street kids or gutter punks, they just grew up to be hobos. A hobo is more of a professional career, and street kids and gutter punks are still in training for taking on a professional hobo career.

If I were the LA Weekly, I would be writing about how new kinds of hobos are emerging in this technologically advanced society. We now have techno-hobos, the kind that roam around the internet tagging sites with notes and scribbles to mark they were there. Sometimes so boldy called “Comments”, it is a well known fact that practically all of the internet functions on the basis of huge masses of internet hobos interacting and pushing the envelope in technology to handle more and more hobos.

You know just the other day I had the good fortune to run into a site completely run by hobos, it is called del.icio.us, undoubtedly as a homage to the delicious food people have prepared for passing by hobos throughout the ages. I predict that in the future more and more hobos will appear on the internet, to be matched by more and more hobo-friendly content. If only this hobo-friendly internet was matched by an equally as friendly real world. Unfortunately hobo life off the internet is getting harder and harder. You only need watch the evening news or walk down the street to see that it is harder and harder to leave hobo marks on things, as technology for erasing these marks is getting better and better every day. Spackle, paint and gravel are still long time foes of hobos everywhere.

Undead Hobos

Posted in Hobomaster at 3:20 pm by Verifex

There is a growing upsurge in the amount of undead hobos that pass themselves off as real live hobos. I am here to turn them out. You see, it is common knowledge that there are alot of undead hobos that have been living among us for quite some time. They have been passing themselves off as real live people just so they can get closer to us and suck out our brains. Damn them.

To find out if a hobo is a undead zombie or a real live hobo, say the word, “redrum” and see if they respond. If they get up and start talking to you about literature techniques in this modern world and the influence online media has on books then make sure to shotgun them in the face, it is obviously a zombie. However, if you mention “redrum” and they look up and say, “ehh, have a quarter man?” Then do your civic duty and give him a quarter, or possibly 3 or 4, then walk down the street to make sure the next hobo is not a zombie.

Only you can stop the massive zombie invasion.