05.25.08

Armed Hobo Revolution!

Posted in Hobomaster at 8:38 pm by Verifex

According to this article, the world is, yet again, on the brink of destruction; through environmental, socio-economic and other stresses. Not to mention the nation-states that cannot govern their own populace because of the extreme conditions they exist in. I don’t have to tell you what this all means though. Through the power of hobos with lasers, we will overcome these problems.

  • Disease spreading through your shanty-town? A high-power laser can solve that by extinguishing all life in areas affected by disease.
  • Don’t have enough food? Use the laser to burn a hole in the ground deep enough to find an underground world teeming with life, and nourishing food.
  • Is deforestation causing soil erosion in your farm, thereby guaranteeing a bad harvest? Get a bunch of rocks (either from the ground or from other areas) and throw them on affected areas, then fire your laser at them until they melt into some kind of rock-lava-substance, and viola! You’ve got earth itself protecting your tract of land from evil mother nature.
  • Is murder and crime causing your shanty to get a low-rating on tourist guides? This one’s easy, simply fire your laser at that evil guide-book author, serves him right for writing that your town is the “#1 place to die by being beat to death with a dead rat”.
  • Not enough resources to sustain your business/individual freedom? Lasers can be used as great weapons, all you have to do is find someone willing to give you money. I hear the guy down at the local market is offering R$100 for someone to “pay Mr. Harkonnen a visit, down at the dock”.
  • Totalitarian regime restricting your ability to speak freely? If you turn your laser up to 11, you should have enough power to burn a message into the moon, that’ll show them to restrict your right to speak!

As soon as you get your laser, make sure to check the little gauge on the side to make sure that the positronium drive is fully functional before you take it out for a test drive. For an example of other hobos using lasers for practical purposes, I suggest you read over this article on the subject of lasers.

08.11.06

The Internet Hobo

Posted in Hobomaster at 3:45 pm by Verifex

The mainstream media is at it again, claiming that hobos are dead in their oh-so-witty article claimed “The Hobohemians”. Just because some hobos die every now and then doesn’t mean hobos are dying. Thats just bad journalism. They “claim” that “The grizzled old hobos may be dying off, but they’re being replaced in boxcars and on the porches of grain cars by street kids, gutter punks, dreamy anarchists and eco-warriors, train-obsessed professionals,” That sounds to me like they aren’t being totally honest. Hobos were once street kids or gutter punks, they just grew up to be hobos. A hobo is more of a professional career, and street kids and gutter punks are still in training for taking on a professional hobo career.

If I were the LA Weekly, I would be writing about how new kinds of hobos are emerging in this technologically advanced society. We now have techno-hobos, the kind that roam around the internet tagging sites with notes and scribbles to mark they were there. Sometimes so boldy called “Comments”, it is a well known fact that practically all of the internet functions on the basis of huge masses of internet hobos interacting and pushing the envelope in technology to handle more and more hobos.

You know just the other day I had the good fortune to run into a site completely run by hobos, it is called del.icio.us, undoubtedly as a homage to the delicious food people have prepared for passing by hobos throughout the ages. I predict that in the future more and more hobos will appear on the internet, to be matched by more and more hobo-friendly content. If only this hobo-friendly internet was matched by an equally as friendly real world. Unfortunately hobo life off the internet is getting harder and harder. You only need watch the evening news or walk down the street to see that it is harder and harder to leave hobo marks on things, as technology for erasing these marks is getting better and better every day. Spackle, paint and gravel are still long time foes of hobos everywhere.

Undead Hobos

Posted in Hobomaster at 3:20 pm by Verifex

There is a growing upsurge in the amount of undead hobos that pass themselves off as real live hobos. I am here to turn them out. You see, it is common knowledge that there are alot of undead hobos that have been living among us for quite some time. They have been passing themselves off as real live people just so they can get closer to us and suck out our brains. Damn them.

To find out if a hobo is a undead zombie or a real live hobo, say the word, “redrum” and see if they respond. If they get up and start talking to you about literature techniques in this modern world and the influence online media has on books then make sure to shotgun them in the face, it is obviously a zombie. However, if you mention “redrum” and they look up and say, “ehh, have a quarter man?” Then do your civic duty and give him a quarter, or possibly 3 or 4, then walk down the street to make sure the next hobo is not a zombie.

Only you can stop the massive zombie invasion.

06.06.06

Your Hobo Today!

Posted in Hobomaster at 12:52 am by Verifex

So now that I have the ultimate Wiki power, I’m trying to figure out the best way to exploit this new technology to bring the best in hobo services, products and solutions to the internet. As I’ve heard, there are very few sites out there that provide solutions, services, products AND commentary, at the same time.

We in the DefHoboz control room believe in a full featured website, with as many features as you can possibly ram into one thing without it breaking and spilling out onto other sites. Until we have reached the hard drive capacity, we are on a neverending quest to bring you, the website viewer or possibly search engine spider, website things!

Much of these website things involve new technology, or old technology, or just regular old unpopular current technology. Now you may say, “Hey! Why would you do this to me? Why are you putting random things on here, are you trying to confuse me?” No, not at all, we are here trying to give you the services, solutions, products and commentary that you want, in all its forms.

In the coming months, look forward to more DefHobo features to be rolled out such as: Defhobo Credit Cards, Defhobo Hotels, Defhobo Casinos, and of course one cannot forget the Defhobo Business Opportunity Self-Em’ploy’ment Enrichment Center. So stay tuned!

12.08.05

Why should you hate weblogs?

Posted in Hobomaster at 6:09 pm by Verifex

I used to think weblogs sucked, until I realized that my thinking that they suck wouldn’t make them go away.  So I did what any other moron does.  I got a weblog!  Now I can complain about weblogs existing on weblogs themselves.  I think it is quite important and amazing and you should keep reading about it, because I might stop talking about it soon and then you’ll miss out on that won’t you.  ahhhhhhhh..  that was good.

Here is another link to a guy who hate weblogs too.  If you go there, tell him that he really should start commenting in some online weblogs about how much they suck, and make sure to link to his site as often as possible.  I think if you have 20,000 blogs linking to some stupid guys site that talks about how much blogs suck, that indeed will make blogs suck.  Atleast by bloggers rules standards.  Because whatever is at the top of google counts as the rule I think.  Actually who cares, do what you want.  Also leave a couple dimes on the ground outside your house.

This is where we learn hobo rules and regulations.

Posted in Hobomaster at 5:28 pm by Verifex

The hobo college, thats right, it went out of business, apparently 3 decades of hobos learned all they needed to know from this honored place.  It is rather sad to hear that it went away though, I guess there is just no money in hobos.  Damn the man!

In my quest to provide you with the complete unadulterated hobo, I come across many a hobo website.  Today I found the hobo dictionary. (Also here)  This is what being a hobo is all about, finding new things, adding them to your knowledge and becoming a better person.  Also eating and sleeping in other peoples places.


Not Hobo Related

If I had a fifth of a penny for every bit of content I find duplicated ad nauseum online, I would have so much money, that I alone would cause the entire monetary system to collapse.  It really is too bad that you can’t see when and where that Britney Spears mp3 was first ripped from the CD.  Wouldn’t it be fascinating to see how many times it was played, copied, and subsequently deleted?  I think the only things that gather information that fervently are trojans though.  (not the prophylactic)

 


Hobo Related

Can I gain all the knowledge of hobos, and reproduce it here?  Possibly, but I might then violate some international hobo law.  (special hobo courts are ruthless)  While looking for hobos, I found this hobo.  As much as I would like to believe ‘Ben’, if-that-is-his-real-name, somehow I doubt his hoboness.  Most hobos do not write so articulately that they actually make sense.

 

12.07.05

Spot the Hobo!

Posted in Hobomaster at 4:17 pm by Verifex

The web is awash with accessories for the modern hobo.  There are hobo bags, hobo symbols, hobo food and of course, hobo clothing.

However, there are a number of things on line that do not portray the hobo lifestyle as accurately as they could.  As a service to you, I am going to point out these inconsistencies to you now.

  • Hobo Camera – Hobos would never use such a large unwieldy camera, as it would not fit in a easily resealable hobo pack on a stick.  Plus, a hobo only has room for 1 or 2 photos in his wallet.
  • Hobo Porn Film Name Generator – While hobos may indeed work in pornography occasionally to make a buck, no self-respecting hobo would leverage their hoboness to make such unspeakable acts.  Plus hobos don’t have time to make up fancy names.
  • Hobowars – First of all, there is no hobo army, it is a myth, and there definitely is no hobo general or commander.  Hobos have better things to do, like live life and survive, then plan death and destruction.
  • HoBO Magazine – I don’t know how many times I need to reiterate this, but the hobo lifestyle is not appropriate to be represented in a modern, glossy, pretentious magazine.  Besides, hobos don’t need to read magazines to know what they like.  They just do.
  • International Hobo (not the bags) – Thats right, this company is trying to delude you into thinking there is some kind of international hobo cartel, and that they spend all day toiling away on a book on how to develop video games.  Well here is news for you, hobos aren’t into that kind of thing.
  • The Billion Dollar Hobo – The inherent paradox of this movie just goes against everything hobo-esque.

Well that is it for now, I’ll probably add more as I find them, but remember, when they say hobo, they mean business.  Defhobo Business.

12.06.05

Where is our commision?

Posted in Hobomaster at 12:00 pm by Verifex

When using the internet, I tend to look for other hobo related services and products so that I can improve our own services.  Sometimes I find good ideas, other times I find outright lies!  Today I found lies!  For instance, what is this?  Can you believe that?  They copyrighted the word hobo, you can’t copyright an entire class of people like that without giving them some kind of kick backs or commission or something.  And even this?  Hoboware?  Why are the hobos of the world being used for crazy gadgets and software and not being given a good meal and a place to stay?  Have a heart people!  The gaul of this company to reduce an entire class of people down to a simple software program and then, just as simply, sell it for millions.  How dare them!

Misrepresentation!

Posted in Hobomaster at 11:21 am by Verifex

The cops over in spanaway are posing as hobos, and holding up signs saying "Happy Holidays, Buckle Up".  I am no sure how to treat this, on one hand, hobos are being misrepresented and being ridiculed by the authorities.  And on the other hand, the more people know about hobos being cops, the more respect people might give  to hobos, thinking that they might be cops.  So I’m confused.  I think the cops should hire us real hobos to do the job though, that copper was taking up a real nice place that many a hobo could’ve been at, making money, lots of money.

Found here while roaming the streets.